Love & Life

Over the last couple of days, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about love and life. I’ve been discussing love and commitment and how hard it is to define. I’ve also been chatting about how precious life is and whether or not we are responsible for other people’s actions and decisions. I feel like we’ve talked about some really important concepts and some possibly helpful insights. I’d hate to forget them, so I’ll immortalize them by putting them here and maybe they’ll help someone else.

Love
What is love? What does it mean to be committed? Is there really a one true love out there for us? At what point do you decide that it’s better for both parties to love someone enough to let them go?


What is love?
Love is putting the other person’s happiness in front of your own. Caring for someone, being there when they need you. Listening to them, doing what’s best for them. And them doing the same for you in return. It’s a give and take where both parties have a mutual respect and fondness for each other. There are different types of love. Love for a friend. Love for your family. Love for your kids. Love for God. Romantic Love. Unconditional Love. Sacrificial Love. Selfless love. Love is many things. It’s different between different people. The love you have for each person is different…Even if it’s the same type of love. Let’s take family love… you may love every member of your family unconditionally, but for each person in your family… your love is different. So, for different people and relationships in your life your love and commitment is different. Its how both parties react to that love is what makes the difference. It’s the willingness and commitment level of each person that defines the love.


What does it mean to be committed?
Commitment is a choice. Love is a choice. Marriage is a choice. It is just choosing to love the same person over and over and over again everyday of your life! Marriage is just an outward symbol to the world of the choice you are making. Whether u put the label on it or not... real love, sacrificial love, unconditional love, selfless love and marriage are all the same to me. It’s a choice to be there through the ups and downs, good and bad, sickness and health. You’re committed to the other person no matter what happens… accept them for who they are, not what you want them to be or what you need them to be. Committed means never wanting to walk away, never wanting to leave, always making the other person a priority, keeping their feelings, thoughts, wants, and needs in mind when living your life.


Is there really a one true love out there for us?
I can’t believe that. What do you say to a woman who gets married and finds the love of her life and then he dies? If she then is lucky enough to find another love of her life and marries someone else. Who is her real one true love? The first one who died? Or the second? If it's the first... Then the did the second man really find his true love? And if it's the second.. Then did the first one really find his true love? I believe that there are a lot of people out there that we are compatible with. But it's up to us to make it work. Love is what you make it, I just can’t believe that there is only ONE out there for us. I mean people can be in love w/ two people at the same time. People are inherently flawed... so, what if you choose the wrong one, but are still happy? Isn’t happiness the key?


At what point do you decide that it’s better for both parties to love someone enough to let them go?
In my experience, its at the point where neither of you is willing to give any more. When you are at an impasse. Where at least one side has given enough and can’t give anymore. When that side believes that the other side will never give more. Or when the two worlds just don’t match anymore. Both parties can change or only one changes and although you still love each other… you are no longer right for each other. They aren’t the person you fell in love it or you aren’t the person they fell in love with. Its not easy on either party, but ultimately it’s what’s best for both of you.


Life
Recently a friend of mine tried to take her life and it’s brought back memories of when my best friend took hers. Now the suicide or attempt doesn’t just affect the person trying to take their life, but it affects the people around them, too. Many questions come up and it’s a hard situation all around and for everyone involved.

What prompts someone to want to take their own life? If someone wants to take their life, is there really anything that you can do? Are there warning signs? And when they make an attempt, is it our fault that we didn’t see them?

What prompts someone to want to take their own life?
I can’t really answer this one. I’ve never been to that place, but I have had friends who have. I also used to volunteer for a hotline for teens. From what people have told me, it’s just a loss of will. It’s like when your having the worst day of your life... everyday over and over again.... and there’s no end in sight. There’s a significant amount of loneliness. Sometimes is like the whole world is out to get you or wanting the entire world to go away. Not wanting to be stuck in the rut and just needing a change. Different people have different reasons, so every situation is different.


If someone wants to take their life, is there really anything that you can do?
The hardest thing is watching someone drown in their own self doubt and not being able to do anything about it. Most of the time the struggle is an internal one. The only thing that anyone can really do is be there if needed. Be a shoulder to lean on. Show support and try to take away the loneliness or depression. A lot of times, there is nothing that anyone can do unless the person gives themselves outs and/or opportunities to for you to help. And in the end it’s hard not to blame yourself, because we all wish we could do something to help…but most of the time unfortunately… there is nothing you can do but give love and support if they want and ask for it. Sometimes forcing the issue just makes things worse.


Are there warning signs?
Of course there are… but it’s hard because everyone is different. Self loathing, self doubt, a loss of faith in themselves, in the people around them. Depression. Talking about death. The loss of someone one or something very important to them... Changes in their behavior, in their life, personality, sleeping, eating, things they want to talk about or don't want to talk about. There are many others.. it just depends on the situation and the person.


And when they make an attempt, is it our fault that we didn’t see them?
No, or at least that’s what I keep telling myself. My head says No, but I know it’s hard not to blame yourself for missing the signs. Your heart always thinks there’s something you could’ve done. I’ve spent years trying to convince myself that it wasn’t my fault…and in my head I know that… but at times the doubt creeps in and I forget that it wasn’t not my fault.. and blame myself for all the things I could've done and didnt' do... I think you'll always feel like there’s something you could’ve done. It’s hard, but try not to blame yourself.

As you can see, these are two very deep and heavy subjects. This is what I’ve been thinking about the last couple of days. Now, I’ve been very sleep deprived over the last couple of days, so I don’t know if any of it makes sense. However, I was told I should put more on my blog than just reviews… so there you have it. I dedicate this entry to all the people I've ever loved, who have ever loved me, or taught me anything about love... and also to all the people who I've lost and are hopefully resting in peace in heaven.