When He's Calling For You...

Listen to your heart
There's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
And I don't know why,
But listen to your heart
Before you tell him goodbye.

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea.
They're swept away and nothing is what it seems,
The feeling of belonging to your dreams.

Listen To Your Heart….

Act 16:

“It’s never too late… To Listen To Your Heart

Our world is loud, fast and chaotic. We need time to pause. To look around us. To hear our heart. It knows things your mind can’t understand. Take time out. Freeze frame your daily life. Be open to your heart. Listen to it” – Patrick Lindsay

Quote in book: “The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of” ~ Blaise Pascal

I started the day thinking this blog was going to go one way and then after talking to my brother, I’ve decided to go another way. I’m gonna listen to my heart on this one and just go w/ it.

Over the last couple of weeks my life has completely changed. My outlook on life is different. My attitude is different. My energy is different. I could go into all the reasons why (again), but I won’t do that. Go read my first blog entry of this series if you don’t remember. I actually just re-read it again. If you’ve known me over the last couple of years or my entire life, I sound like a completely different person. I started on this blogging adventure and just “jumped”. Had a leap of faith and after two weeks, I’m still going strong.

It’s not really like me to NOT think about consequences like “OMG it’s actually a lot of hard work to write a blog every single day. What the hell was I thinking?” or “Holy crap. This shit is permanent and out there for everyone to read. Maybe I should filter what I’m saying..” or “what if people don’t like what I’m saying? Don’t like me. What if I lose friends over this? What if I alienate people? What if they don’t like this new me? What if I offend someone?” This is all the cerebral part of me. The part that has ruled my life until now.

But instead of all those things (which I just thought of now… for this blog), you know what I have been thinking?.... I hope my family/friends enjoy getting a little time with me every day. I hope it brings me closer to them. I hope this connects us in a way it didn’t before. I hope these blogs inspire people. I hope it makes them smile. I hope they learn something, cause I’ve learned not only a lot about myself, but other topics by writing these things. I hope these blogs spark questions and conversations about the topics.

I’m thankful for people just reading one of these. Believe me, I know y’all have lives. I don’t expect you to read every day or even more than one. I don’t know if I could read someone else’s blog every day (especially cause I know how I can ramble on and there is an awful lot of stuff I put in these), but that’s the beauty of it being out there for the world to see. If you miss day, then you can go back and read it. If you didn’t finish, you can go back. I’m thankful to everyone for all the positive feedback. It makes me so happy to hear that people are reading and enjoying. It made my day to know that MStrat was talking about it w/ other moms and asked me if she could send the link to one of them. Umm. Heck ya send it to other people! I’ve inspired someone. I’m so happy. Please keep the feedback coming (even the negative ones). I’ve really only had one person be negative about the whole thing and well, he’s negative all the time, so I’m taking it w/ a grain of salt. So, what does all this have to do w/ today’s Act?

I listened to my heart when I decided to start this blogging adventure. I didn’t let my brain take over. I didn’t let fear stop me from going out there and doing something. Trying to make a difference. I followed my heart and it led me here. To this blog…. to this entry…. to all of you.

My brother said he likes this change he’s seeing in me and it has brought me closer to him. I like this change I’m seeing in myself. I no longer have negative energy and I’m happy all the time now. It’s like I’m high on life. And it’s all because I got inspired to change one thing in my life and that was to listen to what my heart was telling me to do. Which was to tear down the walls, open up myself, put something positive out into the world and people will accept it and accept me. And if they don’t? Well, then don’t let it get me down. I’m doing this for me. Following my heart. Doing what I feel is right, how can that be wrong? I’m not hurting anyone. If people don’t like my blogs, then they don’t have to read them. This is a complete 180 from how I would’ve thought about this before.

Before, I would be offended if people didn’t read them. I’d feel hurt like they didn’t accept me or didn’t like me, cause they didn’t support me. Writing these blogs makes me a little vulnerable and I’ve always wanted to be liked and loved. I craved it. Fear has kept me from opening up fully. Scared that people won’t like me or accept me for who I really am. My entire life has been about doing things for other people to gain their acceptance and love.

But my heart has told me that I’m strong enough to stand on my own two feet. I don’t need someone else’s approval to feel good about myself. It’s interesting that it’s taken me this long to figure that out. I’ve always done the “right” thing. The thing that made me “look the best”. Done what was expected of me. As I said, my brain has ruled my entire life and I realize now, that although I’ve had an amazing life so far. I really haven’t lived the best life I could have. I’m not a risk taker. I don’t do things unless I analyze them before hand, but this is changing. I don’t think I’m gonna go all crazy and completely change and completely stop analyzing things before hand, but I’ve noticed a difference and so have others. I’m trusting myself more. Trusting that my heart really knows what’s good for me. Trusting that it’ll lead me down the path, even if it’s scary or unknown. What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, right?

At the end of the day you should have no regrets. I think that most people that listen to their hearts are happier than those that listen to their brains because most of us feel and live through our hearts. Our brains are logical and reasonable and most of the time logic and reason keep us from doing what we want. Our hearts tell us what we want. What we yearn for. Regret is just an unfulfilled want.

So, don’t let life pass you by. Listen to your heart. Go out and do something that will make you happy. Go out and fulfill a want. Have no regrets. Live life to the fullest. Don’t let your brain or fear hold you back. Listen to your heart!

Shout out to JulzTravels & Jordo. You both recently told me you’ve been reading. Love you both! If you’re out there reading, let me know and I’ll give a shout out to you too! I wanna show you some love for the support! Thanks to everyone again for supporting me and accepting me. Thank you for showing me that listening to my heart was the right thing to do. =)

Now that you’ve suffered through the longest blog I think I’ve written…. It’s Trivia Time!!!

10 Points: Name artist of the song in the beginning of the Blog

10 Points: Name this song and artist

Baby, please try to forgive me
Stay here, don't put out the glow
Hole me now, don't bother if every minute it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man that I've become

Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you….

10 Points: Name the artist and song

I could start dreamin' but it never ends
As long as you're gone we may as well pretend
I've been dreamin'
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (Hint: Name of the song)

You say it's easy but who's to say
That we'd be able to keep it this way
But it's easier
Comin'……

10 Points: Name the artist and song (Hint: One of my favorite artists – Country baby!!)

I've never been the kind that you'd call lucky
Always stumbling' around in circles
But I must have stumbled into something
Look at me
Am I really alone with you
I wake up feeling like my life's worth living
Can't recall when I last felt that way
Guess it must be all this love you're giving
Never knew never knew it could be like this
But I guess

10 Points: Name the original artist and song (Hint: GLEE did a cover of this and so did the artist of the previous answer)

I hear the tickin' of the clock
I'm lying here the room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won't end though

10 Points: Name the original artist and song

Turnaround,
Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming around
Turnaround,
Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
Turnaround,
Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
Turnaround,
Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes,
Every now and then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes,
Every now and then I fall apart

10 Points: Name the artist and song

Move yourself
You always live your life
Never thinking of the future
Prove yourself
You are the move you make
Take your chances win or loser

See yourself
You are the steps you take
You and you - and that's the only way

Shake - shake yourself
You're every move you make
So the story goes

10 points: Name the artist. 20 points: Name the Song (HINT1: This song is from their 5^th studio album “Plans” album released in 2005. HINT2: I put all the lyrics to the song to help everyone out, song title is in there) Not sure if anyone else is gonna know this one, cause I don’t think they released it, but this is an example of the fact that some of my favorite songs are not released as singles! But I know my bro should get this – because I only have this song because of him

Burn it down till the embers smoke on the ground
And start new when your heart is an empty room
With walls of the deepest blue

Home's face: how it ages when you're away
Spring blooms and you find the love that's true
But you don't know what now to do
Cause the chase is all you know
And she stopped running months ago

And all you see is where else you could be When you're at home
And out on the street Are so many possibilities to not be alone

The flames and smoke climbed out of every window
And disappeared with everything that you held dear
But you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need
Cause you knew you were finally free

Cause all you see is where else you could be, When you're at home
Out on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone
And all you see is where else you could be,
when you're at home,
There on the street,
are so many possibilities to not be alone

Who got all 100 points w/out consulting The ORACLE?

GLEE-A-THON

Act 15:

“It’s never too late… To Run A Marathon

It’s much more than a race. It’s a magnificent personal challenge – as much mental as physical. Learn as you train. Take it gradually, in bit-sized chunks. Prepare your body and your mind carefully. Trust yourself. Commit yourself to finish. Keep your promise.” – Patrick Lindsay

Quote in book: “We’re all athletes. Some are just better and faster than others.” ~ Anonymous

So, yesterday (and part of today) I had a GLEE-A-THON! For all those, that were mocking me about it, see there was a method to my madness. I wanted to not only enjoy my bday, but I also wanted to satisfy today’s Act. I took a slight liberty w/ today’s act, because there’s no way I’m gonna run a marathon. I’m not a runner. I really don’t like running w/out a purpose (like chasing a ball). I’m not in shape and even if I was, I have really bad knees, so running marathons are just not for me. I’ll leave that to my cousin Ryan and my other friends that are marathon, half marathon, biathlon, or triathlon runners.

I “ran” a GLEE-A-THON. I think it was a creative way to fulfill this act. So, CZ asked me what a GLEE-A-THON was… Well basically I watched ALL 22 episodes in season 2 of GLEE yesterday and today. In fact, my entire weekend was GLEE filled. I went to the GLEE live concert 3 times (yes, I know I’m a little nuts). I still have to go through all my pics from the concert and post the best ones on my FB. Here’s the set list for those interested. For the encore, they sang Single Ladies, Safety Dance, Friday, Empire State Of Mind, Somebody To Love (from Season 1).

As for the GLEE-A-THON, I watched the entire season 2. I have one question. Why did they change Blaine’s last name from Anderson to Warbler? In “Silly Love Songs” it’s Anderson and in “Blame It On The Alcohol” and “Prom Queen”, it’s Warbler. Did anyone else notice that?

Here are some of my favorite quotes from the Season that I didn’t use as my Quote of the week. I’ll put one from every episode. Can you name who said the quote? (I repeated characters here, unlike how I've been doing the GLEE Quote's Of the Week where I use a different character each week)

1. Did you know there’s a forum on my blog to stop you from rapping?
2. You’ve got more vests than the cast of Blossom
3. God didn’t let you touch Rachel’s boobs. Rachel did.
4. How can you do a duet with yourself? That’s like vocal masturbation or something
5. I personally blame the Internet. Once Internet porn was invented, girls could watch without having to make that the embarrassing trip to the video store. Internet porn altered the female brain chemistry making them more like men and thus more concerned w/ our bodies
6. Can I just say, This is what happens when people don’t put out. If everyone just put out we’d have a winning football team
7. When I showed this to Brittney earlier she began to whimper thinking I had cut down a small tree where a family of gummy bears lived
8. I popped the question in my building’s common use hot tub. Booyah. Not to worry ladies, it’s an open marriage.
9. I prayed. I promised him that if I got out of there I’d start being nicer to people. Then I realized that there was no way I could do that so I changed it to just Jews.
10. Get a good night’s rest Ken. You’re gonna need it. Barbie took the early flight from Tampa
11. I am in crisis. Not even the can’t-lose combination of boobs and fire can get me going anymore. Is it the raccon hormones my new doctor gave me? Maybe
12. Please I’ve had mono so many times I’ve turned into stereo
13. I have to get my cross trainers. Wanna know why? Cause I’m gonna be doing some runs
14. I don’t know what two guys do when they’re together. You know, I sat through that whole Brokeback Mountain. From what I gather, something went down in the tent
15. Just remember when you have sex w/ someone you’re having sex w/ everyone they’ve slept with and everybody’s got a random
16. My husband is verbally abusive and I’ve been drinking since noon
17. Let me cut to the sexy chase. Think about how many more years you have left of productive ovulating. Those aren’t eggs in those fallopian tubes. They’re rare exotic pearls
18. The only straight I am is straight up bitch
19. Is it the truth? Or are you lying like when you didn’t give me a straight answer about the lacy panties?
20. I traded loved for a fourth consecutive national championship. It was a bum deal. Maybe for a first, but not a fourth
21. You kind of sing and dance like a zombie who has to poop
22. I think you’re kinda mean, but I don’t think you’re stupid

Today Is My Birthday...

Da Na Na Na Na Na

It's your birthday too....yeah
I say it’s my birthday

I’m gonna have a good time

I’m glad it’s my birthday

Happy birthday to me!

Ok, so I changed the words around a little bit. It’s my bday – it’s my prerogative. I’m posting this super early, so I’m still not sure what I’m doing today (I haven’t even gone to bed yet). I’m still leaning towards having a GLEE-athon. The last two days I’ve spent going to the GLEE concerts in Anaheim and Downtown LA. Why not continue the theme? Plus, I’m really exhausted from the last two days. I need a day to recharge. My voice is gone and I think I might actually be getting a little sick. =(

I posted a status message on FB the other day saying “Deciding how to spend my bday... any ideas? Would anyone think less of me if I just stay at home and had a GLEE-athon?” Well, I got a couple of Yeses, which made me literally LOL. So I say to them… boo! I think I’ve had such an incredible week and wknd so far, that even though I don’t have too much planned today, it’s been a really good bday week. Who cares if I don’t actually do anything on my bday to celebrate? It’s my bday. I should spent it how I want. Besides, I usually don’t like to make a big deal out of my bday. I’m not a real attention whore, so I get really uncomfortable when people make a big fuss over me. (I like little fusses and on my own terms). Translation: I hate surprise parties. So, please friends, don’t ever throw me a surprise party!

I did want to share something w/ you. My friend Kat sent this to me on Facebook (BTW- she leaves for her Face2Face trip today). But the fact she made it for me, in the middle of packing and getting ready to leave, means a lot to me. I think it’s super awesome and really really cool. =)

35 years ago today… My parents got married (no they didn’t get married the day I was born) I was born on their 3^rd wedding anniversary. I’ve always shared my bday w/ them or more accurately, they had to share their anniversary w/ me. This day has always been special for our family. My mom always tried to make it special for my brother also, so he didn't feel left out, so this is a day for all of us to celebrate and remember. Mom, bro, Love you! Dad, Miss you lots. Here are some pictures of that great day! Gotta love the 70s.

Act 14:

“It’s never too late… To Start A New Career

Your career is not you. It’s not your life – it’s your job. You can always expand your horizons or change direction. Remain positive. Find a new work challenge – one that inspires you. Explore it. Chase it with passion.” – Patrick Lindsay

Quote in book: “Live the life you’ve imagined.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

I’ll write quickly about this. Hmm. I LOVE my job. Even when I’ve had a hard week (like I did this week)… Even when half the people I work with hate me… I kinda disagree w/ Mr. Lindsay on this one. Only because I like what I do. I don’t need to find a new career. The one I have IS me. It is my life (because I’m a work-a-holic) and it’s not just a job to me. I really do LOVE it. I am passionate about it. I am positive about it. It does inspire me. Now, not very many people can say that about their jobs. I know a lot of people that actually hate their jobs or are just in it for the money. I am not one of those people. In fact, in 2007 I had an opportunity to go and change jobs, change careers, go get the big bucks and I chose not to. I locked myself into a job that really wasn’t going to give the big bonuses or big raises, because I liked the work and the people I was going to have to deal w/ on a daily basis. This is not to say that I don’t complain every once in a while, but all in all... I’m pretty happy w/ the career choices that I’ve made and I don’t think I’m going to be changing that anytime soon. I’m what they call a “lifer”.

However, in the spirit of the act… What would I do if I had to get a new career? Hmm, I’m assuming this means all other engineering jobs are out. (Darn). I’d like to think I’d be able to do something noble like be a teacher or a coach (like my brother), but I don’t think I have the patience to deal w/ kids. Even though, in general, kids love me (probably cause I’m closer to the ground than other “grown ups”) I’d just be so afraid that I’d negatively impact some of them and scar them for life. Plus, I have a really bad potty mouth and I’m quite sure I’d get fired for cussing in front of them. – Note: I’m working on not cussing so much anymore, ut it’s a hard habit to break. There’s being a professor, but I’m not smart enough on any topic to get my PhD and although the work hours to non-work hours ratio are great, not sure I’d be able to pull off being a professor w/out my students thinking I was a complete dork/idiot. I’d want them to respect me and what I have to say, not secretly complain to the dean that their not learning anything.

I got my MBA a couple of years ago, so naturally something in that genre would fit, right? I did most of my electives in marketing (which is completely useless to my job, except for the fact that now I can completely tell when the contractors are marketing something to me and it’s a bunch of BS) but I dunno... I’m not really a “sales” person… and I’m not very creative, so marketing is not really my thing. I could always try to do something in the corporate world, but I’ve actually always wanted to open a restaurant. I have some friends who are excellent cooks/chefs and I would want to work the business end of the restaurant. I think I’d be a really good manager. I basically managed the on campus café I worked at during college. I know I could do that job and be good at it. That probably extends to any retail management job.

In general, I’m really organized and can multitask/switch tasks very well. I’m good a really good at solving problems and I like to make others happy. I think I would also make a really good party/wedding planner, etc. But, then again... I might just kill all those bridezillas. So, those are the two: Restaurant Owner/Manager or a Party Planner.

On a side note, I’ve made a bunch of tribute videos that have turned out really well. I enjoy playing around w/ editing software and cutting videos together. I could also see myself wanting to be an editor or something like that, because it’s still kinda technical and involves computers, which would be cool.

For those that know me, do you agree? I’d love to know what y’all think I would be successful at if I wasn’t an engineer. How about you? If you had to change careers, what would you choose?

The One

Uhhh. GLEE Live 2011 in the first row (in the PIT!!!) was A…. wait for it… MAZING!!! AMAZING! I’m super deaf now (hearing is slowly coming back), but so worth it. Here are some pics. I’ll post more on FB & Picasa soon. It’s hard to take good pics when they’re moving around so much.

Act 13:

“It’s never too late… To Find A Soulmate

To have a soulmate you must be one. It’s usually a natural selection. Soulmates find each other. But you must be receptive. It’s beautiful, rewarding friendship. It has a strong spiritual element. It can’t be manufactured or forced. To find yours you must look outwards, not inwards.” – Patrick Lindsay

Quote in book: “A single soul dwelling in two bodies.” ~ Aristotle

The age old question… Is there one person, one soulmate, out there for each of us? Do you believe in “The One”? My answer: I think “The One” is a ridiculous concept (I’ll explain in a sec). That is not to say that I don’t believe in soulmates. I just think you can have more than one. In fact, I don’t think the idea of soulmates is limited to romantic love. Soulmates can span to your Bestie or BFF or just a really good friend.

Dictionary.com says a soulmate is “a person with whom one has a strong affinity." Merriam-Webster Says "1. A person who is a person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament" 2. A person who strongly resembles another in attitude and beliefs" Wikipedia defines Soulmate as this “A soulmate ( or soul mate) is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity, similarity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility.”

It can be one or all of those things, which is why I feel the term soulmate extends to more than just your sexual partner. The most important part is it’s a person that you have a strong or deep affinity to. Someone you connect w/ on a level different from others. Sometimes at the same or even deeper level than family (depending on how close you are to your family). A connection so deep that some people only feel it w/ one other person. Hence, the idea of “The One”.

So, why don’t I believe in “The One”? Logically, it just doesn’t make sense to me and it’s mainly two reasons: 1) Death and 2) Proximity. Let’s take death. I’ve got two situations.

A) Falling in love at an early age (say grade school). You know he/she is “the one”. However, before either of you turns 18, he/she is tragically killed by a drunk driver 10 days before his/her 18th birthday. – If he/she is “The One”, then what? You never find anyone to spend the rest of your life w/? You are doomed to be alone because your “The One” was killed? If he/she wasn’t “The One” for you and you do find “The One” later in life. Who was “The One” for the person that died? Did their partner lose out because of death?

B) After being married for 20 years and your partner dies of cancer. You are lucky enough to move on with your life and find another widow. You fall in love and get married and spend 20 years with another person. Who was “The One” of your life? The person who died of cancer or the person you just spent the last 20 years w/?

Now proximity: It’s really hard for me to believe that there’s only ONE person for each of us. From a probability standpoint that’s like 1 in almost 7 billion. This person just so happens to live in the same country, same state, same general area as you AND just so happens to be looking for love at the same time. Come on… The odds are not good in this situation. It’s a wonder how ANYONE finds their “The One”. Some people call it “Fate”. I call it “non-sense” or a “ridiculous concept”.

Again, it’s not to say I don’t believe in fate. I do. Things do happen in your life for a reason and fate sometimes brings two people together to affect change in each other’s lives. Sometimes it’s a positive change and sometimes it’s a negative one. It’s how we deal w/ that change in our lives that makes it positive or negative.

So, if I don’t believe in “The One”, what do I believe in? I believe we all have numerous people (soulmates) we are compatible with. Meaning we don’t have “the one” we have “the many”. This helps me deal w/ both of my issues. The proximity/probability thing makes more sense and/or goes away and well death does not leave us in a lurch. Don’t forget that just because you’re soulmates doesn’t mean you can live/have a life w/ each other. What happens if you fundamentally disagree on the way to live your lives… examples: whether to have kids or not, where to live (burbs, city or rural), Food preferences (vegan vs carnivore), how to raise your kids (if you decide to have them), religion… Just because you disagree, doesn’t make them any less a soulmate, it’s just not someone you’d want to share your life w/ in that way. Hence, I have a couple of friends I consider soulmates, but 1. We don’t share a romantic love and 2. Sometimes we don’t agree on how to live our lives, but we still love each other and will support each other till the day we die. So, enough of my preaching. I think you get my point.

So, go out there. Find another soulmate. Or tell the soulmate(s) in your life how much they mean to you. For the one that I know that reads these… Wanga. You are my girl. I will love you forever and you are like a sister to me. Thanks for always being there for me. I don’t know what I would do w/out you.

Phenomenal woman, That's me.

Act 12:

“It’s never too late… To Write A Poem

We all have poetry inside us. It’s writing from out heart. Poems can heal out hurts. They can transmit our love. Or our sorrow. They are beautiful gift. Find some solitude. Listen to your heart and write down your feelings. Let the words flow. You’ll be surprised.” – Patrick Lindsay

Quote in book: “A poem weighs more than a novel.” ~ Anonymous

A lot of these acts are getting me out of my comfort zone. I suppose that’s the point. Going out and doing things that you’ve never done. This is just like the painting thing. So, not my forte. I’m probably even more out of my element w/ Poetry and poems than I am w/ painting. At least I have paintings in my condo and I do go to a lot of museums to look at them. I don’t read a lot of poetry, cause quite frankly it goes over my head a lot and maybe it just reminds me too much of English Lit, where we had to analyze everything. Maybe I associate poetry w/ homework or work instead of just enjoying what’s on the page. Who knows? I do have one poem that I remember and that I love. It’s Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou

So, today I have two poems I wrote. I wrote this first one last night in preparation for today’s blog. I just as Mr Lindsay says “let the words flow”. In terms of the rhyming, most of that came naturally, there were only a couple I had to change the words around to make it work.

The Day You Walked Out of My Heart – by Lilfaust

Sitting at the breakfast nook

So happy about where life had took

Birds singing

Bells ringing

Trees breezing

Your smile teasing

I glanced down

Smile turned to frown

Two suitcases on the floor

One by the door

One by the fish tank

My heart sank

You caught me off guard

You showed no cards

No we can’t be friends

This is the end

It hurts so bad

And I’m so mad

It’s not you leaving me

It’s how you did it to me

You’re a coward

My heart is devoured

It’s a huge blow

Just go

No reprieve

Just leave

Don’t come back

No, come back

I miss you

I hate you

I’ll kill you

I love you

My heart is empty

My world fell apart

The day you walked out of my heart

The second poem is something I actually wrote for the “It’s Never Too Late To Say I’m Sorry” blog, but I didn’t put it in that day. I decided to put it in for today.

I'm sorry - by Lilfaust

I'm sorry you are no longer in my life
I'm sorry for being mad at you
I'm sorry for not being mad at you enough
I'm sorry for being too afraid to show you how I feel
I'm sorry for showing too much of how I felt

I'm sorry for not being there for you when you needed me
I'm sorry for being there when you didn't
I'm sorry for walking away
I'm sorry for not walking away enough
I'm sorry for not loving you enough
I'm sorry for loving you too much

I'm sorry for crying
I'm sorry for not crying enough
I'm sorry for standing my ground
I'm sorry for not standing my ground enough
I'm sorry for the things that I said
I'm sorry for the things that I didn't say

I'm sorry you are no longer in my life.
But mostly, I'm sorry cause I'm no longer in yours.

Have a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend! Off to the GLEE concert! Whoo

Winter, Spring, Summer, Or Fall...

All you have to do is call
and I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've got a friend.

Act 11:

“It’s never too late… To Make A Friend

Your mother was right… if you can count your true friends on one hand, you’re a lucky person. Some of our best memories come from our friends. The real joy of friendship is when you give. To make a friend, give them your friendship. They will reciprocate. Treasure your friends.” – Patrick Lindsay

Quote in book: “A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

In general, I don’t really have a problem making friends. I think when you first meet someone; most people naturally gravitate towards nice and honest people. I think I’m a nice and honest person. I’ve been told I have a nice smile and people like that too. =)

If I have any problem at all it’s keeping friends. I think sometimes my honesty is too honest. My brother told me the other day that he would add something to my “I’m sorry” list in that blog. He would add “I’m sorry for telling the truth, even if that truth hurts and sometimes people can’t handle that”. (I’m paraphrasing, but it was something like that). I also have a wicked temper (must be the Gemini thing). I can be super nice and super nasty too. (just ask anyone that has worked w/ me, lived w/ me, and is related to me, … haha)

Mr. Lindsay says: “To make a friend, give them your friendship”. I decided to write an email to someone and give them my friendship… it was such a weird phrase to say, but we’ll see how it goes. Feel free to go out, email, text, call someone one and give them your friendship. I’d like to know if that tactic actually works.

Recently, I became friends w/ Kat Brooks. She has 5000 Facebook friends and is going out to meet 50 of them in her new documentary Face2Face. She said she knows 2 out of the 50 personally. The rest probably friended her because they are fans of hers (like I am). Now that's the way to make friends! Go KAT! Support Face2Face! It's an amazing concept. But, not all of us are movie writers/directors like Kat, so I think there's probably a more conventional way we could go about it.

I consulted “The ORACLE” on how to make friends… and wikiHow gave 21 things that you should do. It’s an ok list, but I think halfway through it turned into “how to keep your friends”…

1. Spend more time around people. – agreed. Play the percentage game. The more people you are around the better chance you have at making a friend!
2. Join an organization with people who have common interests. – It’s easy to chat it up w/ people if you have something in common
3. Join a sports team. – Only works if you are good at sports. Most people are competitive and if you suck, you may end up w/ an enemy instead of a friend
4. Join a club that does a lot of activities, it's a great way to meet new people. – Sounds like they combined #1 & #2
5. Volunteer. – Not only will you make friends, you’ll probably feel a lot better helping someone
6. Talk to people. – Well it’s hard to make friends if you don’t but again.. it’s a percentage thing
7. Make eye contact and smile. – Yes – I like this one. =)
8. Start a conversation. – So hard for us introverts to do, but it does help the process
9. Make small talk. – mindless chit chat can lead to something you both have in common.
10. Introduce yourself at the end of the conversation. – I actually think you should do this first. It’s like someone only wants to tell me their name “after” they wanna make friends… that’s BS.
11. Initiate a get-together. – Or a way to stay in contact
12. If you've discovered that the person you're talking to has a common interest, ask him or her more about it and, if appropriate, whether they get together with others (in a club, for example) to pursue this interest. – I feel like this one should be after #10
13. Ask them out for lunch or coffee. – isn’t this like #11?
14. Don't do anything to pressure someone into being friends with you. –ya using scary eyes and a threatening voice will not help… Does this really need to be advice? Isn’t this a given?
15. Be a good friend. – uh… if you’re not friends yet…
16. Be reliable. – Yes (punctual is also a good one)
17. Be a good listener. – Very important
18. Be trustworthy. – Goes w/ being honest
19. Be there for the person. – See what I mean about the “keeping” friends part.
20. Choose your friends wisely. – this should be choose the people you want to be friends w/ wisely.
21. Put emphasis on the good, unique qualities about yourself -I feel like this should be earlier, when you’re trying to snag them during the convo.

Anyway... Go out and make a friend today, then tell me how it goes. =)