Afraid Of The Dark

Act 46:

“It’s never too late… To Face Your Fears

Until you do, you remain in chains. Never underestimate your courage. Be positive in your approach. If necessary, take it in stages. Often your fear is outdated, or based on a misunderstanding or misapprehension. Once you break the spell, you’re free. Look it straight in the eye. Back yourself.” – Patrick Lindsay

Quote in book: “The challenge is not to win but to conquer the fear. It’s not the other people you have to beat, it’s yourself.” ~ Anonymous

Ok. I’ll admit it. I’m a little afraid of the dark. As a kid, I used to be A LOT afraid of the dark. I was probably always scared of the dark, but I distinctly remember it being really bad after I watched this scary horror movie about kids at camp. There was a killer killing all of the kids and it scared the shit out of me. I didn’t sleep for like three days. I never wanted to go to camp after seeing that movie. I can’t even remember the name of it, but it traumatized me! Right around the same time The NightStalker, Richard Ramirez was on his killing spree or at least he was on the news. They might have actually already caught him, but I remember seeing posters of “The NightStalker” all around the block, etc. My parents always checked the doors and windows like three times at night. So, because of these two things I was afraid of the dark. I was afraid of getting killed in my sleep. I still can’t sleep w/ the closet doors open because the clothes look like people hanging there and I’m afraid someone will jump out and get me. Now, even though I don’t like the dark, I’m not as afraid… because I really can’t sleep unless it’s pitch black. So, I’ve kinda learned to be a little bit braver at night! I “kinda” conquered that one.

Let’s see what else am I afraid of… After watching Arachnophobia, I was always afraid I was going get a spider bite on my toe and die, like in the movie. Man – anyone else see a pattern. Movie + killing = Me afraid of it. I always checked the shower for spiders coming down from the shower head. So I was really afraid of spiders after that movie. I don’t like bugs, but I scream like a little girl when a spider’s around. I still don’t like them that much, but living by myself means I have to “deal” with the spiders on my own now, instead of screaming “Dad! DAD! DAD! There’s a spider on the wall!!!” He would come in, get a towel, grab the spider and it NEVER failed… he would always lunge the towel at me and I would scream and go flying 6 feet off the ground.

I’m really afraid of heights or more accurate afraid of falling…. Or falling to my death from heights. Maybe I’m just afraid of dying??? I did gymnastics as a kid and beam was the event I hated because I was four feet off the ground. I hated beam, but surprisingly I was really good at it. Maybe cause I didn’t want to fall or hurt myself, so I made sure I stayed on! I don’t really like roller coasters where you fall straight down, because I don’t like that stomach in your throat feeling. I’m afraid of heights and I avoid high places if I can.

I remember visiting my bro in Montana when he was there. He and I went to the lake. He jumped off what seemed like a 40-foot rock into the water. He wanted me to jump. I couldn’t and part of it was because I was scared of heights, but the other part was because he told me I might break my ankles if I go in the water wrong. Here’s some pics of me wanting to jump off the rock, then cowering like a child who lost their mommy in a store. =(

So I was in the middle of writing this and I see a tweet from K. Brooks saying she’s struggling and she’s gonna go on Vokle (video chat). I stopped writing and went to lend my support (it's 2 hours later). What she’s going through actually applies to tonight’s blog. She’s facing one of her fears. She’s finally off Xanax. She’s detoxing. I’m so proud of her for doing it. It’s hard enough to detox, but to do it w/ a camera in your face, sleeping in a different hotel room every night… as she puts it “courage under fire”. That woman is so amazing and she doesn’t even know it. She went on vokle and about 30 of us dropped everything just to lend our support. She's so brave for doing this while filming a movie and driving 11,000 miles across the country. Kat you rock! I'm so proud of you for getting clean!

And I realized how amazing that is for a bunch of reasons. 1) how awesome it is that we all support her in her time of need, facing her fears 2) how awesome it is to know that you don’t have to face your fears alone and that you can do anything w/ a support system 3) how awesome it is that we are all connected and we don’t need to feel alone. I stayed on the chat and got to know some wonderful people… shout out to zinatnj, gainesm, goodlittleroses, surflifechick, ANoto. (I feel like I’m forgetting someone…) Y’all made my night. KAT PACK and F2F family rules the world.

This leads me into my final fear and one that I’m hesitant to say out loud, save on my blog. I will need my real family, F2F family, and friends to help me through this... here it goes… I guess other than my fear of dying by being murdered, by a spider, or by falling off a building… my real fear is ending up alone. When my dad died, my mom, my bro and I were there. I’m afraid that when I die, that I’ll be alone. I fear I’m never gonna find someone to share my life with…someone to have a family with. I fear I’ll never accomplish the one thing I’ve always wanted ever since I was little and that’s to have kids. Over the years, I’ve always been the mother hen. I’ve been told I’d make a good mom cause I take care of everyone. I'm just afraid that may never happen for me... =(

I'm coming to the realization that...If I don’t have a partner in life, I have to be ok w/ that. I’ve lived this long w/out one… what’s another 30 years? However, I’m never really gonna find someone sitting alone at home blogging on my computer. I do need to get out there and start dating, but I feel like I’m not ready yet. With all that’s been going on in my life this year… I need a break. I need to be ready (or at least in a better place.) Although, I’m getting closer to being ready than I was a month ago… I know I’m still not there. Maybe I’ll be ready next month. However, if any of you wanna hook me up…. You know I’m down! =) Just make sure they know I’m a basket case right now. =)

Anyway, I’m starting to realize (through Kat and F2F and blogging) that I’m not alone. I will never be alone. I have my mom, my bro, my cousins, my aunts/uncles. I have my friends, my co-workers, and now my F2F family (who couldn’t have entered my life at better time). I know y’all love me and care about me. I just need to remember that. Maybe that’s enough… maybe I don’t have to be afraid of ending up alone, because I have all of you. Thank you for being there for me when I need you and supporting me, so I can face this fear head on. I love you!!!

Break Out Your Pots And Pans

Act 45:

“It’s never too late… To Learn To Cook

Open untouched worlds, new sensations and culture. Become an entertainer. Learn and make special recipes for special friends. Stimulate your creative juices. Invent your own recipes. Be a culinary explorer.” – Patrick Lindsay

Quote in book: “Tell me what you eat and I will tell you what you are.” ~ Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

I LOVE COOKING. It’s relaxing to me. Over the years, I’ve had a couple of dinner parties, where I’ve cooked and invited friends over to come eat. I know there’s a lot of people out there who can’t cook to save their lives. I’m lucky enough that I can not only follow a recipe, but also branch out and modify the recipe and the food still tastes good. Or at least I hope it tastes good. I haven’t killed anyone yet. (that I know of)

Since I can follow a recipe, I can pretty much cook anything. I don’t really like cooking fancy shmancy things, but I can. I actually like nice and easy home cooking. As a kid, we never had a lot of take out food. My mom or grandparents cooked for us every night. Luckily my mom always wanted to eat something “new” every night, so we ate different things every night. It was funny. My mom and bro would eat the “new” food. My dad and I would eat half “new” food and then eat the leftovers from the night before. I love leftovers… so much that I always take my food home from the restaurant. Some people have called me “Queen Of the Doggie Bags,” because I’ll take anything home, even if it’s just one bite left of a burger.

I learned how to cook from my mom. She’s the best cook. I’m sure lots of kids say that about their moms, but I really mean it. Everything tastes better when she cooks it vs. when I cook it. I get almost all my recipes from my mom, well Filipino food anyway. I’ve actually introduced a lot of my friends to Filipino food by cooking it for them. I know how to cook the staples… Adobo, Sinigang… and now (because my Aunt taught me…) Palabok. Mmm. I cooked it for my cousins this past weekend. Here are some pics of the fruits of my labor.

I can cook a lot of other types of food other than Filipino food. I cook a lot of pasta. I make amazing german porkchops. I can make Chinese and Korean food and I make sushi all the time. The biggest problem I have w/ cooking is that most of my recipes are for 4 people. My mom’s and the non-filipino ones I’ve either gotten online, from cookbooks, or this recipe set that I have. I live alone, so cooking for four used to be AWESOME. I’d eat one portion for dinner, eat one for lunch the next day and either save two in the freezer or just one in the freezer and eat the other for dinner the next night. Now that I’m dieting and that I’m eating less… cooking for four is not a good thing. It’s too much food now and I’ve found that lately I just don’t have a lot of time to make big meals anymore.

So, late last year I bought the NuWave Oven. It’s wonderful for singles or couples. If you’re not making big meals or meals for a lot of people, it’s perfect for you. If you can’t cook or are a beginner, it’s perfect for you, too. The best thing about it is that it’s a time saver. I can take meat from the freezer and stick it in the NuWave oven and cook it w/out defrosting it. It truly does what it says it does. Believe me, I’ve bought a lot of infomercial crap over the years, this is legit! I can go on and on and on about it (just ask K.Neier I convinced her to start using it). If you don’t have a NuWave Oven, you should go get one. Call/email me and I’ll give you cooking tips and all the stuff you can do w/ it. I use mine all the time. However, you don’t need a NuWave Oven to cook smaller portions. I actually have a lot of cool recipes for singles and couples that I’ve developed that are quick an easy. I’ve even invented a couple of vegetarian versions of some of the Filipino classics (eggplant adobo). I’m not so full of myself that I’ll actually make a cookbook, but if you ever need any ideas… let me know and I’m always willing to share. I’ve actually shared come of my single recipes w/ my mom and bro and they’ve enjoyed them.

So, whether you’re a beginner or a season chef, go out and learn to cook something that you’ve never cooked before. I cooked Palabok the other night by myself for the first time. I had cooked it w/ the watchful eye of my aunt before, but it’s quite different cooking it by yourself. My cousins said they liked it, but they were practicing “pretending” to like it… so I’m not sure. Haha. Anyway, thanks to Ninang Babes for teaching me to cook Palabok. Now, that I’ve cooked it by myself, (even if it takes a long time), it’ll be part of my repertoire for stuff I make at dinner parties I throw. =)

Don't Be A Mindless Sheep

Act 44:

“It’s never too late… To Break Away From The Herd

It can take cold courage. It’s your chance to follow your heart, lift your head up, choose your own course. It can bring distain and abuse. But it will also bring esteem and admiration. But above all, it brings self respect. Stand on your own feet. Be an individual.” – Patrick Lindsay

Quote in book: “No-one can escape from his individuality.” ~ Arthur Schopenhauer

This is an interesting one for me. I’m very independent, but I do care about what other people think. I do like for everyone to get along. But, I’ve never suffered from “group think”. I have my own opinions. I’ve never really been afraid to SHARE my opinion, even if it means that I’ll alienate people. So much so that I’m always known as “the bitch”. I’ve already said in another blog that some people at work call me “Mean-na”. I’m very opinionated. Honestly, I think this is the only reason I can write this blog everyday… because I have an opinion on EVERYTHING, so I just voice that opinion in my blog. So, in that context... it's a good thing.

At work, I’m very opinionated (granted that’s my job). I really am not swayed very easily, unless you present a GOOD and LOGICAL argument. Apparently, some people I work with have a hard time doing this, so I kinda just shut them down and press ahead. I guess this gives me a bad reputation at work, but like I’ve said before. I don’t need for people to like me at work. I just need them to respect me, respect my opinion, and just follow whatever the hell I say (haha j/k on that last one).

So, I’m not a mindless sheep following the herd at work. I’m actually usually the one leading the herd in my direction (even if they don’t want to go there)… my powers of hypnotism (facts, logic, charming smile, annoyingly almost always right intuition and lots of top cover) are often used to direct my co-workers down the path they either don’t want to go and/or don’t know enough to realize that they don’t want to go there… (haha). It’s a good position to be in, where people listen to you (or are swayed by you). Leading the herd, instead of just being a part of it. Even in my personal life, I kinda just do my own thing. In lieu of another leader stepping up, I usually end up doing it. The one who yells loudest, gets their way, right? (or something like that)

Since I don’t really have a problem “breaking away from the herd”…. Let’s think about the opposite (at least for me… ) My question is… Is there such a thing as being too individualistic? Too opinionated? There’s breaking from the herd and there’s just being isolated or an outcast. There has to be a balance, right? This is my problem… especially at work. I always think I’m right, so it’s really hard for me to accept others opinions and “follow the herd”, even though I KNOW I should do this sometimes. My boss always tells me to “pick your battles.” To me this means – Know when to be a sheep. Know when to follow the herd. It’s okay to not always have the answers. It’s ok to let others take the lead. I constantly have to remind myself of this (not just at work).

Right now at work, we’re trying to get a document through our change board process and it’s driving me crazy that we are so inefficient and unorganized, but I’m trying to be one of the “herd”. Well sort of… it’s hard when you helped design the damn thing and everyone is always looking for your approval. But for the most part, I’m trying to let the other members of the team take the reins and I'm trying to just sit back and watch. But of course, I always have to get my two cents in if they are going down the right path. (haha)

Moral of the story: It’s ok to march to the beat of your own drummer. You don’t always have to follow others or conform to others' ideas of what’s “Right”. Have the strength to follow your own convictions and stand tall. Standalone if you have to. But most likely, your confidence and self reliance will attract others and you will have your own herd, instead of following someone elses. I only caution you and want to add something to today’s Act. Make sure there’s a balance. Know how to break away, but also know how to follow.

GO UCLA!! GO KINGS!! GO PACKERS!!

*Clap*Clap*Clap*Clap*Clap*Clap*Clap*Clap*

U

*Clap*Clap*Clap*

C

*Clap*Clap*Clap*

L

*Clap*Clap*Clap*

A

*Clap*Clap*Clap*

U-C-L-A

Fight!

Fight!

Fight!

Act 43:

“It’s never too late… To Cheer For A Team

Turn your attention outward. Find a sport you love and a team you admire, or pity. Follow their fortunes. Get on board. Lend your support. Give them your passion. Savour the highs and lows. Enjoy the ride.” – Patrick Lindsay

Quote in book: “An individual can make a difference, a team can make a miracle.” ~ Anonymous

College: Since I went to UCLA, I’m a huge Bruin fan AND a Pac-10 fan. UCLA has won 107 NCAA Team Championships. Stanford is number 2 at 101 and USC is number 3 at 93. According to wiki, the next one is Oklahoma State at 50! The PAC-10 ROCKS! I love the 8-clap! That’s the cheer I did at the beginning of the blog!

Basketball: I’m a big Sacramento Kings fan. I know they SUCK right now, but I’ve been a huge fan of theirs since the CWebb days. Back when there was Doug Christie, Mike Bibiy, Peja, Turkulou, Brad Miller and Vlade. I lived in Stockton for my last three years of high school. The Kings were our team. My dad was a Laker fan, back when it was the “showtime” Lakers and I liked them at that time too. Now, I’m a Laker hater. I’ve never liked Kobe. I think he’s an amazing basketball player, but he’s a ball hog and he just takes on too much. It’s like…hey, I’m super awesome, so I’m gonna take on 4 guys at once and proceed to get stuffed instead of passing off to my super open teammates! Anyway, I’m excited about Jimmer Fredette from BYU coming to the Kings next year. We are gonna be an offensive machine! GO KINGS!!

Football: Anyone who read my blog a couple of days ago knows I like football. Anyone who has known me during football season knows I’m a HUGE Green Bay Packers fan! Not sure how I got into it. I honestly think it’s because when I would play Madden on Nintendo, I played w/ Green Bay. Then I started rooting for them in real life. My dad was a 49er Fan and always thought it was weird that I was a Packer fan. I LOVED Brett Farve and he was the reason I was such a big fan. I have a signed jersey of his. I was a fan back when they won in 1997 and have continued to be a die hard fan. Even as they lost Farve, who I’m kinda pissed at still, I stuck w/ them. (I think I’ll get over it now that he’s no longer quarterbacking for the enemy and he’s finally kept his penis in his pants and retired) Now we have Aaron Rodgers and he’s AWESOME! LOVE LOVE HIM! As time passed, my parents moved to Wisconsin and they became Packer fans.

These are pics from the one Packers game that I’ve been to. We watched the game on Xmas Day in 2005. My dad got us the hook up and we watched from the Sargento Box. It was snowing that day, so it was awesome. We had free food. Free beer. AMAZING! I will never forget that game, even if they lost to the Bears. My bro was happy cause he’s a bears fan. =(

This year my Packers won it all. The Packers winning was bittersweet because my Dad didn’t get a chance to see them win it all, but I know he was looking down on them cheering them on. When we were in the hospital, we watched the playoff games and he would doze off during the game. He would ask if the Packers won the minute he woke up. This is also the first year I watched the game at a bar. I usually watch at someone’s house or at my place. Watching at a bar is pretty cool. We went to The Underground in Hermosa Beach. I actually got on TV! My homegirl text me on the way home saying “you’re on TV” and sent me this photo. I was on three different news stations celebrating. How cool is that?

So there you have it. I cheer on UCLA, the Sacramento Kings, and the Green Bay Packers. If I HAD to pick a baseball team, I’m probably an Angels fan and even though I don’t like hockey very much… I’m partial to the San Jose Sharks. Let me know who you cheer for. Whomever you’re team is… support them even in the bad times (like I do w/ the Kings). I know my homegirl cheers on the Clippers even when they were horrible, but now they’ve got Blake and look to be pretty good next year. Don’t be a bandwagoner, it’s just embarrassing. My only caveat is if you don’t already have a team… then I guess it’s ok. Find a team and stick w/ them. Cheer them on. They feed off your energy! GO UCLA! GO KINGS! GO PACKERS!

Take A Deep Breath And...

RELAX. RELAX. RELAX.

Act 42:

“It’s never too late… To Relax

Take time to pause. Forget the coffee and the smokes. Don’t eat lunch at your desk. Take a walk in the park. Browse in a bookstore. Chill in a library. Go for a run, or swim. Have a laugh with friends. Break the endless cycle.” – Patrick Lindsay

Quote in book: “A pleasing land of drowsyhead it was.” ~ James Thomson

Aaah something I hear all the time. RELAX. Some would say I’m wounded up tighter than an un-spun top or a spring. Haha. I’m not gonna deny it, but I’m hoping it’s not as bad as it used to be. Over the years, I have mellowed a bit, but not really as much as I should. I know I need to relax more. Stop stressing. Stop worrying. Just be. Just live. Just Relax.

Lately, I’ve been trying to take time out for myself. Trying to relax. Trying to de-stress. However, this has unfortunately made me a little bit like a hermit and I don’t go out as much. I think my friends kinda want me to snap out of it and just come hang out w/ them again. But this is what I feel I need right now…sitting at home writing these blogs, centering myself, watching TV and relaxing. I’m an introvert. I know my B-school friends completely disagree, because I was really social and the “networking queen”, but they forget every time I went to school it was a 45 mile drive, where I could recharge and prep to “hang” out.

Anyway, the last couple of years have been really intense. Hell the last 6 months have been really intense. I need to recharge. I need peace and quiet. I need time to be alone. I need time to myself to figure out how to proceed w/ the rest of my life. My father dying really made me want to evaluate my life. Where do I want to be in the next few years? I need to figure it out. The only way for me to do that is to slow down and relax. So I’m trying to take the time to stop stressing about life, stop stressing about work, and just taking the time to relax.

I was gonna blog about the wikiHow article and the websites I found about ways to relax, but I’m gonna just list them here and let you go read them if you’re interested.

- wikiHow – Relax

- Relaxation Techniques

- How to relax after work

- 100 ways to relax

We all relax in different ways. Here’s how I relax. Don’t judge.

• I like to be alone - I'm sitting on my couch alone right now
  
• I like to watch TV - gonna watch The Next Food Network Star after writing this
• I like to listen to music - Listening to Sara Bareilles “Gravity” and “King Of Anything”
• I like to play video games - right now I’m trying to complete World 9 of The New Super Mario bros for Wii
• I like to cook - cooked last night for my cousins
• I like to bake - I wanna make banana bread
• I like to sew - but right now I’ve been really lazy about getting the sewing machine out
• I like to Facebook/Twitter stalk my friends – I just like seeing what they’re doing, been doing it all night. haha
• I like to sleep – need to catch up, cause I didn’t get too much sleep last night. Here was my FB status. I thought it was hilarious. Dear Bed - I know we had a date for "early", but I had too much fun w/ the cousins. How about we reschedule for "early" morning? Say 3am? Can't wait to see you! -Love Nina

But to get myself out of my comfort zone a little. I wanna go get a massage. I realized it’s been a long time since I’ve had one and my back has been hurting lately. So, anyone wanna go w/ me?

I think everyone relaxes differently, so figure out how you relax and go do it. We all need a little rest and relaxation. Take a deep breath and RELAX.

Quick Trivia: Name the artist that sings this song

Relax don't do it
When you want to go to it
Relax don't do it
When you want to come
Relax don't do it
When you want to come
When you want to come

Tikoy

Act 41:

“It’s never too late… To Have A Pet

It makes you a gentler person, more compassionate, more tactile. It expands your life and widens your focus. It brings rewards: unconditional love. Time for reflection, warmth.” – Patrick Lindsay

Quote in book: “To his dog everyman is king” ~ Anonymous

Growing up we had lots of pets. Fish, birds, and dogs. My dad really took care of all pets for us. The birds I’ve talked about in a different blog.

Fish: For as long as I remember, we always had a fish tank. This was beyond that sad goldfish in a bowl. It was a real fish tank. It was a good 30-35 gallons, maybe more. It had fake plants, rocks, moss and sea snails and I think we had like little eel things, too. I remember there was a little mermaid figurine in the tank that we got from Mickey Ds and put in there. We had all kinds of fish in there. I don’t remember any of the types we had, but I could probably point them out if we were at a fish store.

The dogs: As a family, we’ve had/have 7 dogs. Three of them have been West Highland Terriers, aka Westies. All 7 of the dogs were rescues. Right now my brother has Rusty, who we think is a boxer/jack russell mix. My mom has Geoff (a westie) and Nanukla, we call her ‘Nuk’ for short (American husky). We also had Mickey (a westie), who died on Xmas day in 2009. I think out of all the dogs he’s my second favorite. Before Mickey, there was my brother’s dog Mr. George (cocker spaniel). We called him “Mister” for short. If I remember correctly, he named him after George Jetson. He was so sweet, but not the smartest dog in the world. Before him, there was Kay or Strike Two, who was a mostly black w/ a little bit of white mutt. She was the only dog we did not keep. She would chew on everything and didn’t get along w/ our other dog. I always wonder what happened to her. I still feel bad we had to give her back. =(

My dog.

The first one we had. The only dog I can truly claim as mine and that was bonded to me. Tikoy or Tickle. Tikoy is the Filipino name for a gelatinous rice cake thing that is used to celebrate Chinese New year. Don’t ask me why I named him that. I think it was because Tikoy the food is white and Tikoy the dog was also white. So, Tikoy had two names, because I think I wanted to have an English name for him too. We called him Tickle to all of the non-filipino friends. I’m pretty sure he, at first, answered to both of them, but we mostly called him Tikoy, so that’s what stuck.

I LOVED that dog. He was my best friend. He was the cutest dog. I still miss him and sometimes I still dream about him. We got him when I was 3 (almost 4) years old, just after my brother was born. My mom always tells the story about how Tikoy was such a great baby sitter of my brother. My mom would put my brother on a blanket in the living room and then go into the kitchen, where you couldn’t see the blanket. If/when my brother rolled off the blanket, Tikoy would bark! Then my mom would come running into the room and put my brother back into the middle of the blanket. Even as my brother got older, Tikoy would think he was the boss of him.

We got Tikoy from a Pat, a lady my mom used to work with. Pat is an amazing woman. She’s got tons of cats and dogs that she’s rescued. She used to have horses. She has a huge property. I remember going there a kid and just playing w/ all the animals. Apparently, someone found Tikoy on the freeway. He was sitting in the middle of the freeway on the white lines, so as to not get run over. Pat’s place was like a second home to him. Whenever we went on vacation we brought him there. He always had so many dogs to play with there. He even had a great dane, Dana, as his girlfriend. It was sooo funny watching this beautiful Great Dane following around a little white dog about the ¼ the size of her.

Tikoy was the smartest dog. In the house I grew up in Walnut, CA (not Walnut Creek… Just Walnut in SoCal), the dogs room was the laundry room and it had a doggie door to the backyard. No matter how we blocked that doggie door, Tikoy always figured a way to get out. At first, we just put the little metallic hooks to lock it, but he figured he could use his nose to unhook them. Then we put a bar over the door, so even if he unhooked the hooks he wouldn’t be able to get out, but he figured out a way to push the bar out of the holster and get out. I think finally we had to put something in front of the doggie door that was too heavy to move, so he couldn’t get out. So, we would the dogs in the laundry room because Tikoy also figured out how to get out of the backyard. He would squeeze through the wooden planks and then he dug a small hole to be able to get out. I remember once finding the gate open, not having a clue how he did that. Whenever he got out of the backyard he’d run far far away. The first couple times he did it we were so worried, but he always came back, either by that night or by the morning. He always would come home.

He lived to be 17 years old. I always thought it was 19, but my mom and I just redid the math again. So, he was there through every moment of my childhood that I can remember. He was a big part of it. He was blind in his last few years, but I knew he still knew me and he would always come cuddle w/ me, even when I came home from college. My mom had to put him to sleep while I was away at college. I remember the day she told me. It was during my freshman year of college right after my Winter Quarter finals. She told me she put him to sleep because he had a tumor in his stomach. But she told me days after it happened, because I was in the middle of finals and she didn’t want me to get distracted. I’m glad she did that, but it still haunts me that I never got a chance to say good bye.

Here are some pics of him and me. My mom was nice enough to scan these for me this morning. I only had one of him here at my place.

This was underneath our pinball table

Our cousins had the same crayola sleeping bag

He's telling me a secret

See I can hold him

I can hold him up higher. We're in front of the dog house my dad and I built

We painted it white and numbered it 150A, because our address was 150 Carbonia. Yes, that's me inside!

He went w/ us on Halloween. He was excited

This is my favorite Halloween costume ever! My mom made it for me

In his basket, but it's by the fireplace for some reason. I must've put it there, because it wasn't normally there.

On XMAS day. I put that ridiculous ribbon on his head he was not a happy camper

Hugs!

I was in high school, so I'm a lot older, but he looks the same.

I miss him, but I know my dad is w/ him, Mister, and Mickey. He is hard to replace, which is one of the reasons I don't have any pets today. The other reason is that I'm never home, so I would never want to have any animal spend more time in day care than w/ me. I'm not that cruel. But some day, I want to have another pet, but now is not the time.