Becoming A New Me

Act 60:

“It’s never too late… To Reinvent Yourself

You are what you make of yourself. Not what others want you to be. If you don’t like the direction in which you’re heading…change. Set some goals: short, medium, long-term goals. Consider the new path you need to take. Take that path. Back your judgement.” – Patrick Lindsay

Quote in book: “The spirit is the true self” ~ Cicero

I’ve talked about this many times, but I feel like I’ve reinvented myself over the last couple of months. I’m blogging. I’m more open minded. I’m less guarded. I’m less bitchy. I’m happy. Before I don’t think that I truly was happy. I’ve said this before, too… I feel like I was going through the motions, but now I feel like I’m living.

I have a new outlook on life. I feel like I’m a completely different person. I mean the kind-hearted, Glee loving girl is still there… it’s more like my attitude about life is different. Almost everyone in my life has embraced this change and really loves the new me. I love the new me. I’m so much more content. I’m so positive (it would’ve made the old me sick! haha). I’m not depressed. I’m not sad. I’m just genuinely happy these days (not counting the last couple of weeks where I’ve been a complete stress case about work…) but even though I was completely stressed, I still found away to smile and be happy. I was telling my bro on Monday that I’ve been on such a “high” lately and over the last couple of months that part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop… I’ve been waiting for me to crash land back on planet earth and go back to the way I used to be. My bro said to me… well, maybe that won’t happen. I think maybe you have changed. THIS is now you. No longer mopey. No longer miss negativity. No longer the bitch (although I don’t think that’s every gonna happen… I’m still a bitch. Just ask the people I work w/).

I feel like people flock to this new me. The energy of the people in my life right now is so great and I believe it’s a direct result of what I’ve been putting out into the universe. I was always a nice person, but I think people who knew me also feared the dark side of me. I felt like they walked on egg shells around me, because they were afraid of my temper or my rage. That’s not what I want. I don’t want people to fear me. I want people to love me. =)

Looking back on it, it’s really sad that it took my father dying to ignite this attitude adjustment in me, but the only comfort I have is that I know that he would’ve gladly given his life to see me happy. And dad… it’s not all for naught. I am happy. I love you. I miss you. Thank you. I know you’re looking down on me and taking care of me. Leading me… helping me… become a better person.

Thank you Kat Brooks for kinda jump starting this phase in my life. I truly believe that my dad led me to you and that you are such a positive influence in my life. Meeting the KAT PACK and having the F2F family has encouraged this change w/in me (that was already happening… it’s just more pronounced now because of you and F2F).

I’m reinventing myself to the person I’ve always wanted to be. I feel like it’s a direct result of everything that has happened to me over the last 6 months. I mean I’ve been told by four different people (that don’t even know me) that I have a beautiful soul. Years ago at my lowest point, I don’t think anyone would’ve said that about me.

I think that I let the nice part of me out more and she’s the dominant one now and it really has been a slow change in my life. I’m so different from where I was 10 years ago. My whole family has said it so many times. If I already didn’t say it… I’m a Gemini and the whole twin thing TOTALLY applies to me. I can turn on a dime between the angel that everyone loves and the lil ”faust” that is inside me. (yes, that is part of the genesis of my screen name… it just so happens to match perfectly w/ my last name) Before this slow change, lilfaust ruled the world. I was always so guarded and protective of my heart and my soul that the mean, bitch side was the dominant side. Don’t get me wrong, I think in general the angel side of me was the first one people would meet, but if you ever crossed me, whether intentional or not… the mean side came out and that’s all anyone ever remembers.

So, I got labeled for the bitch that I really am. She’s not nice. She’s mean and vindictive. However, I’m been learning to not let her out as much. I like the kinder gentler me. So, I’ve tried to be more positive and more caring. I feel like I sort of tamed the mean girl that lives w/in me and since I’ve been so happy the last couple of months, she’s only comes out at work!

Trust me… right now the people I work with deserve it. They have been serious pains in my ass (to be fair it’s not just me… I’m justified. I swear)… and they don’t have any good valid reason to be… they are insecure and stupid, because instead of taking my help and advice… they’ve considered me and treated me like I’m a threat (which I’m not)… well I took the kid gloves off the other day. I done being nice… They thought I was a mean ass bitch/pain in the ass before… they better watch it.. I’m tired of it and I’m tired of them… LILFAUST is coming for you, Volde…. WATCH OUT!

So... I can’t talk about this reinvention of myself, without talking about the blogging.… this blog has a lot to do w/ it, so I really have to take Erin Kelly for blogging about this idea. I totally stole it from her and it (among other things) has changed my life. Erin… thank you thank you thank you. I went back to read some of my earlier posts. I can’t believe I’ve been doing this for 60 days.

Change is hard and I’ve always resisted it, but in this case… I think it’s for the better. I’ve changed my life for the better. I’ve reinvented myself to be a more positive person. I saw myself going down a path to unhappiness and I changed it. I can’t say that it’s been hard, because it’s been so easy. I know that won’t be true for everyone, but try to do this… take one thing (even if it’s small) and change that about you. Reinvent yourself… one thing at a time. I’m hoping ya’ll love the new me. I love her… she’s awesome and apparently a beautiful soul… I’m hoping you think so too… Hugs and kisses to you all! LOVE YOU!