Could You Please Give Me A Hand?

Act 52:

“It’s never too late… To Ask For Help

When you really need help, ask for it. Don’t let false pride hold you back. It honours the giver. It establishes a bond. Later you can reciprocate. That’s how great friendships are formed. And maintained. ” – Patrick Lindsay

Quote in book: “Seize the day” ~ Horace

It’s not easy… asking for help. A lot of people have a hard time asking for help, myself included. Yesterday, I talked about minding your own business until someone asks you for help. But what if they never do, because they’re too proud or too arrogant? Not sure what it is about asking for help that is so hard…maybe it’s the appearance of being weak… vulnerable… incompetent… stupid… maybe it’s embarrassing or degrading in some way?? Maybe it’s the dependence on someone else part that’s bothersome?? Whatever the reason, not asking for help is a more common occurrence than it needs to be.

Losing my dad really changed my life in general and w/ respect to my outlook on asking for help. Before he died, I was that girl… The girl that NEVER asked for help. The girl who was sure she could do it all on her own. The girl that would rather kill herself trying to lift a 60 lb package (of exercise equipment) instead of let the guy behind the desk help. The girl who would rather take 5 trips to and from the car instead of letting the neighbor that she’s known for years help her do it in one trip. The girl who would rather go through a break up alone instead of using a friendly shoulder to cry on. The girl who would rather spend hours and hours trying to figure out how to put together a table instead of looking at the damn instructions. I live along. I’m very independent. Why ask for help? Who needs it? Yeah… THAT girl. That was me.

For someone that is always willing to help someone else or offer her services, I had/have an awfully hard time asking/accepting help. I’m working on it. I am a lot better these days and it started before my dad died, but it’s more pronounced now and I do it more often. I remember talking to one of my friends after my dad died and he told me about a conversation he had w/ another friend of mine. I’ll refer to them as “him” and “her”. The “she/her” they are referring to is me.

Her: Has she called you to talk about her dad?
Him: No, but you know her. She’s very private about these things. She’ll call us if she needs us.
Her: Will she? You know she’ll never call.
Him: Oh Right! She’ll never call.
Her: Maybe she will? You never know
Him: Ya, but it’s unlikely
Her: Should we call her?
Him: Maybe, but don’t get mad if she gets mad. You know she doesn’t like it when you pry.
Her: But her dad just died, she’s gonna need support. I want her to know I’m here for her
Him: Just text her. It’s less intrusive.

I may have embellished a little on the dialog, but that’s basically what he told me happened. He was right. I wouldn’t have accepted the help, when I wasn’t ready. When my dad died, I didn’t reach out to very many people. I am a really private person and keep my feelings to myself. But in this case, I didn’t reach out because the out-pouring of support was too much for me to handle. I was so touched by all the Fb messages, texts, and emails that it was overwhelming for me. The friends that knew him said such wonderful things about him. Everyone loved my dad. He was the best. My friends, who didn’t even know him, said nice things cause I always talked about him. All of my friends… all of you… were there to help me grieve for him. Just knowing y’all cared meant a lot to me, but it got to be too much for me to handle. However, unlike times before, I did lean on a couple of people to help me get through those first couple of days/weeks. I did ask for some help and support. I did call people back, called them first, or texted, when I needed some support or just something to take my mind off of it and I always got the support I needed. (thank you… you guys know who you are).

There’s the people that don’t ask for help enough (like me) and then there’s the people who ask for help too much. I think there needs to be a balance. I mean there are SOME things that you should be self sufficient on. I know some girls that are “girly” girls and don’t know how to change their own light bulbs or who can’t carry a gallon of water for fear they’ll break a nail. To them I say, umm… learn how “not” to ask for help so much! Haha.

So, in the spirit of asking for help… does anybody know how to get these blogs to show up in my Notes in FB? I used to have them linked, but at some point they stopped updating and then I lost the feed altogether. Now, every time I try to connect them to my notes page I get an error. Maybe I blog too often, because I read somewhere that too many updates is a problem. Please help the “FB-notes”-challenged person who is blogging before you! =(

Everybody needs help. No one is strong enough or smart enough to do everything on their own. At SOME point, you will need help. So ask for it and be willing to accept it when someone offers it to you. There’s no shame in it. In fact, it makes you a better person for knowing when to ask for help. People will respect you more for asking for help instead of not asking for it.

I think this goes w/out saying and most of you already know this…it doesn’t need to be said, because it’s a given. However, I’m gonna say it anyway… I hope you all know that I would do ANYTHING for you and that if you ever needed help (with anything), all you have to do is ask… and I’ll be there… Any time… Any place.

Mini Trivia – this was in my head as I was writing this. Name the artist who sings this…

Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.