Healthy Relationships Need Both People To…

Act 76:

“It’s never too late… To Compromise

Things are rarely black or white. Most lie somewhere in the grey centre. There are other views. Or Other ways of achieving consensus. Think about what you hope to achieve. The pat to it may not be direct. You may have to surrender ground to progress. Keep your goal in mind. Adapt your means to suit the circumstances.” – Patrick Lindsay

Quote in book: “It doesn’t matter whether it’s a black car or a white cat as long as it catches the mouse.” ~ Deng Xiao Ping

Every relationship requires some sort of compromise at one point or another. Along those same lines each person in the relationship needs to compromise at one point or another. If the relationship is one sided, then maybe it isn’t the healthiest relationship and you need to reevaluate. That goes for both parties. If you’re the one who always compromises.. why are you doing that? You need to stand up for your beliefs every once in a while. Your opinion matters. If you’re the one who always gets what you want… let your partner have one every once in awhile. You don’t want to breed resentment. Besides every once in a while we all need a “win”.

Compromising is sometimes hard for me, because I’m a control freak and because I don’t like to lose. Although, I’m working really hard to be a lot better at this. My boss always tells me at work to “pick my battles.” This advice has really helped my ability to compromise in my personal life as well. It’s not worth fighting all the time. It’s not worth “winning” and my relationships are stronger now that I’m compromising more. I’m finding more and more that I’m trying to be more laid back. Trying to let others take charge and go with the flow a little bit more. I’m finding happiness in just being a follower. Compromising. Not being the decision maker. Not “winning” all the time. Compromise isn’t winning or losing. It’s make a joint decision that kinda benefits everyone.

Although happiness is not always achieved when compromising. I’ve found at work… That when trying to get a good technical solution…If everyone in the room is unhappy (because they had to compromise) then it’s probably a good solution. Over the next couple of weeks, I’m gonna have to defend 10 years worth of work (15 if you count the work done before I got there). I’m gonna probably have to compromise capabilities and some requirements, because we are trying to save our program. Apparently, there are budgetary issues and since the contractors are sucking us dry, we’re gonna have to give up some complexity, flexibility, and maybe even some capabilities to get us on schedule and on budget. This will be a good test of my ability to compromise at work. Wish me luck. Btw – I think it’s very interesting that I got this Act on this particular weekend, just when I’m about to do a whole bunch of compromising. It amazes me how in tune these acts are to my life.

Before I go… I’ll leave you with this article “How to Compromise in a Relationship” from ehow.com. It’s basically what goes through my head now when I’m faced with having to compromise on any issue.

1. Set emotions aside. When seeking to compromise on an issue in a relationship, the first thing you must do is leave emotions out of the conversation. You need to be able to logically look at the situation and think about what you need instead of what you want.
2. Weigh the pros and cons of the situation. When you are in a situation that calls for compromise, each person is seeking the opposite solution. Each person needs to write down the pros and cons of what they want, and then they need to compare their list to the list of the other person. This will help you measure the goals that you have in common and perhaps help you to find a middle ground.
3. Remember to think of yourself as a couple and not as individuals. The most stubborn people fail to think of the couple as a unit, but as two individuals. You will never be able to compromise if you are only thinking about yourself.
4. Pick your battles. There will be times when you feel so strongly about a topic that you do not want to compromise. If you are willing to compromise 99 percent of the time, those times when you feel too strong to budge on a issue, your spouse may be more willing to give in.
5. Be happy with the outcome and don’t linger on what you may have “lost.” Compromise is not a game of winning and losing. It is a win-win situation. You are doing what is best for you as a couple and it will be beneficial to your future. Once the decision in made, let go of any emotions that may cause you to be unhappy with the decision.

Thoughts???