Say What You Mean And Mean What You Say

Act 169:

“It’s never too late… To Mean No

If the decision is important, mean it. Consider it. Discuss it. Make it. Stick to it.” – Patrick Lindsay

Quote in book: “What part of no don’t you understand?” ~ Anonymous

This made me think of the thing they always tell you in sex ed.“NO MEANS NO” Men understand what that means. When a woman says no… it means no. I’m not gonna preach about this topic, cause I think we all learned it in those sex ed classes.

Do you remember a couple of weeks ago I was talking about my friend and her ex that berated her? Well, this Act made me think of their situation again. My friend in that last couple of weeks has said to her ex. “I’m not interested in a relationship with you anymore. I’m done. I’m not talking to you anymore” (I’m paraphrasing of course). But what does she do? She talks to her ex again and lets her weasel her way back into her life but not completely. Just enough to be in the forefront of her mind. Argh. Why. Why. Why. Go backwards? I don’t get it. I never have.

Well, this is the part where I want to say to her… Say what you mean and mean what you say… When you say “No, I don’t want to see or talk to you anymore”… MEAN IT!

DO NOT continue to talk to your ex.

DO NOT continue to talk about her.

DO NOT fall into the trap of explaining yourself to her or your friends if your ex speaks ill of you.

DO NOT get sucked back into your old habits of talking to ur ex every day.

DO NOT let your ex manipulate you anymore

DO NOT open up the lines of communication when you’ve already stated they are closed.

All of those things, just make it harder to let go. Harder to move on. When you say NO. Mean NO! Don’t allow that door to reopen. No rubber band hands!

I never have a problem w/ meaning what I say and saying what I mean. In fact, my problem is that sometimes I don’t know when to curb that honesty. I need to learn that I can mean no, but I don’t have to be mean about it. There’s always a way to gently let people know that you mean it without being vicious or nasty about it. Sometimes, I can go there, because when I’ve decided I’m done w/ you. I’m truly done and I want out. The good thing is that it takes a while for me to get there and I also give people second chances. I don’t really say “No I don’t want you in my life anymore” until I’ve been screwed over at least three times. The only caveat to that is that I don’t like flakers and indecisive people.

A couple of months ago I was interacting with a girl who was barely 18 and who had a crush on me. She had a crush on a female teacher at her school and she also was writing a story about a young girl being in love with an older woman. I basically told her I was flattered, but I wasn’t interested and I’m fairly sure I did it in a polite way. After that I tried to be her friend because at the time she needed one. She’s had a hard life and she just needed someone to listen to her story and just say. “It’s ok. You’ll be fine. I support you”. Something tells me she had never really heard a lot of those types of words growing up.

Then one night she freaked out and decided to unfriend me and stop following me on twitter. She couldn’t handle being friends. She told me not to email her ever again and that she wanted me out of her life. She told me all of this in an email. I then wrote back and said that I was sorry she felt that way and I understood. About three weeks after that, she came crawling back and begged to be my friend and said she was sorry for being rash. Normally, I would give her a second chance (and I tried), but she just started to get on my nerves, because she pretended like nothing ever really happened. She also started acting different. She started to get upset with me when my attention wasn’t focused on her. She gave me attitude when I didn’t respond to tweets or msgs right away.

Most of you who have been reading my blog, you know how busy I’ve been with work the last couple of months. I didn’t have any time for anything but work and family. So, I just decided in my head. I just didn’t really need the head ache. I didn’t need this. No More. It was hard, but I finally decided that I can’t be that rock she needs me to be. She needed to start relying on someone else. She was taking too much of my energy. I need that energy for myself, my family, and work. So, I told her that… straight up. I was pretty nice about it and she has respected my wishes and has left me alone.

If you are going to mean NO once you’ve decided it. Then it is really important to take the time to make the right decision. So, don’t decide or verbalize that decision to the other person/people until you are sure. Then once you’ve made your decision. Stick to it. Don’t go back and forth. Be decisive. Be strong. Be all that you can be. Haha. Sorry I couldn’t help it. Be committed. To the decision you made. Going back on your decision isn’t good for either party. NO MEANS NO! =)