What If...

My dad was still alive? It’s been 10 months, since his death. It’s interesting that this landed on this day.

Act 170:

“It’s never too late… To Wonder

Look with innocence. Drink with your eyes. See the mystery in nature. In people. Ponder it.” – Patrick Lindsay

Quote in book: “There are many wonderful things and nothing is more wonderful than man.” ~ Sophocles

Growing up, I was so happy. I never had to wonder about my parent’s love or support. I never had to wonder what it was like to have parents that weren’t together. My parents were always so happy and so in love, but not in a “gross.. my parents are making out” sort of way. They weren’t perfect, because they did fight (as all couples do), but they were happy and they loved each other. It was wonderful.

Over the last 10 months, I’ve had to wonder about what my life is going to be like w/out my father. What is my wedding going to be like? Who’s gonna walk me down the aisle? (I figured that out.. my bro). Are am I still gonna have the part of the wedding reception where there’s a father daughter dance? What am I going to tell my kids about their grandfather? Anything I tell them won’t do him justice.

I was so happy and naïve that it never crossed my mind as to what I would do w/out my father. I always thought he would be around. To see his grandkids. To see me get married. To see me truly happy. With the holidays coming back around, it’s made me think about how much I miss him, even 10 months later. It’s the first time I didn’t mention it to my mom or txt my bro about it being 10 months. It made me think about how the last Xmas we had with him was in the hospital. How he’s not going to be around to carve the turkey or decorate the tree or set up the little toy train he loved that no one else in my family did. Who’s gonna put up those Christmas bells or make lame jokes about “supplies”? Who’s gonna kill the spider for me then shove it in my face to scare me with it? Who’s gonna help me hang up my pictures or sneak money to me when my mom’s not looking? Who’s gonna steal my chicken skin that I’ve saved for the end of the meal that sits at the edge of my plate? Who’s gonna talk to me and teach me about music? Who’s gonna talk to me about sports? Who’s gonna help me root for the Packers and debate w/ me whether or not they are gonna have an undefeated season and repeat as Super Bowl Champions? Who’s gonna complain with my about the stupid NBA lockout?

I know this Act is supposed to be able the wondrous things around us. Like nature (waterfalls, constellations, volcanoes) and man made buildings (like the Statue of Liberty, the pyramids or the Hoover Dam), but I can’t help but think about my dad on this day and wonder what my life would be like if he were still alive. These blogs have been as much about helping me get over his death as much as they have been about making myself happy, opening up my horizons, and doing things to change my life. So, I’m always gonna wonder…

What would he have thought about this blogging series? What kinds of random things would he have commented? Would he be proud of me? Would he be happy for me? Would I still be a complete bitch? Would I have changed? Why is it he never got to see this change in me that he is completely and totally responsible for? It’s not fair… I know life isn’t fair and we all wonder why it isn’t. He was the best person I know and a wonderful, loving husband, brother, son, friend, coworker and father. I wonder if he’s looking down on me and is proud of me and my bro. I wonder sometimes when I get the rock star parking if he had a hand in that. But the one thing I never had to worry about is the fact that I knew that he loved me and that he knew I loved him. I thank God for that and for the time that we had together. I love you Dad.

Trivia

10 Points each: Name the 7 Natural Wonders Of The World

10 Points each: Name the 7 Man Made Wonders Of The World as you know it. There’s so many different answers. I’m curious.

10 Points: Name the 7 dwarfs in Snow White (random: yes… but this is for u Bex!)